I buy online all the time. Most of my supplies I buy on etsy/ebay/websites – even ravelry on occasion. I occasionally buy locally in real shops but not often.
I rarely get bad customer service. I order, I get whatever-it-is a few days later and it’s what I expected to get. If there’s a query about something, I get an answer. If I feel I need to give some kind of feedback, I give it and have a conversation with the seller.
But sometimes, sellers think they know better than a buyer (and sometimes they do) but even if as a seller, you think your buyer is wrong, stay polite, communicate and acknowledge that someone has a differing opinion to you.
So here’s my to do list to NOT give good customer service:
1: Make sure to go on and on in your listings or on your website that you are just starting out and that you aim to give perfect customer service – make sure that this part of the listing for the product is longer than the description of the product.
2: Surprise your customers – don’t let them know when orders have been sent – after all, they already know what’s inside, so they need something to get excited about.
3: When your buyer emails to ask if the order has been sent, tell them they should have told you it was needed before you went on holiday for 3 weeks. Even if they order before your published cut-off date. (And see #4)
4: Make sure not to reply to your buyer’s email until after you figure they have gone out and bought a replacement.
5: If they ask about combined postage, give them a 1500 word essay about Royal Mail. After all, buyers think the postman is the everyday version of Father Christmas and don’t realise you have to pay for the service. Or how to check prices for themselves.
6: Use enough tape on your parcels to wrap around the equator twice – after all that plastic mailing sack that usually takes scissors to open might dissolve on the way to your buyer, who cares if your customers need dynamite to open it? Make sure to not leave a mm uncovered.
7: Refuse to admit there might be a problem with your product and blame the customer. Tell them that you’ve had ‘lots’ of happy customers – and don’t forget the smiley…. (see #1 again)
8: Don’t reply to feedback from your customers, after all, they are always wrong.
9: Make sure to assume your buyers aren’t also sellers so then know nothing about anything to do with selling or shipping.
10: What’s your favourite ‘How not to give good customer service’ story? Comment below and I’ll pick the best one to win one of my ruffle scarves in your choice of colour!
I suppose I should be grateful I didn’t get a busted sofa delivered at 4AM like the woman in the Daily Mail…..